I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
