I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
