i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
