you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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