nut hugger
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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