We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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