she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
