Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize