I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
