her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
