Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
