Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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