I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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