how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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