My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
