his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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