Non-Jews are for practice
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
