I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
