Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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