Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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