i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
