....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
