Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
