Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
