Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
