did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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