When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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