I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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