Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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