i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
