Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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