Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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