My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
