yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
