I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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