We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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