If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
