Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The air taste purple.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
