its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
