Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
