The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
