i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
