If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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