My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
