I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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