i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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