I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
