she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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