Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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