I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
