Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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