Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
