i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
