You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
