He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
