Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
