If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
