So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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