dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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