You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
