You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
