You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
