we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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