so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
