Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
