she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
